Relationship Jealousy

Got Jealousy?

2006-06-30T14:13:00.000-07:00

By Kristin Denton

What do humans and the frilled lizard have in common? Well, when we’re afraid,
we both puff out our faces and ears and try to act really, really scary. The fear in
jealousy is so strong that it can sometimes make us humans react to situations like a frilled
lizard, just to make sure that our partner gets the point that we don't want them to stray.

And how many times has that frilled lizard look ever made your beloved admire you more?
Probably not many...

People use the word ‘jealousy’ as a feeling, but Marshall Rosenberg, the creator of
Nonviolent Communication (www.cnvc.org) would probably argue that it’s a thought.

For example, ‘abandoned’ is a thought -- it’s your negative evaluation of somebody
leaving you. But what if the IRS abandoned you and your audit? Is that necessarily
negative? No.... so ‘abandoned’ is an evaluation of, or thought about, somebody
leaving you.

In the same way, ‘jealousy’ isn’t really a feeling – it’s a thought. The event may be
your beloved paying attention to somebody else in a way that you think means s/he may
leave you (or that they love another person more than you). It’s the meaning that we
attach to the event that we label ‘jealousy.’

The true feeling underneath jealousy is usually fear--that your beloved will leave
you for another person. And fear is usually uncomfortable, if not downright painful.
It awakens our limbic brain (the reptilian brain) and puts us in a fight or flight mode.
We yell, we threaten, we puff out our ears and try to look real scary and go, “Bwah!
Bwah!!” And generally look real stupid.

So, when you feel triggered by the fear that underlies jealousy, it would help to call
it what it is. Call it fear. Say to your partner: “Honey,

(Observation) “When I saw you talking to your ex this evening...

(Feelings) “I felt frightened...

(Needs) “Because I have a need for emotional safety in this relationship.

(Request) “Would you be willing to tell me truthfully if you’re falling back in love
with her?”

Those are the four steps to speaking honestly using Nonviolent Communication. It’s
scary to put your heart out to your beloved and expose yourself as being afraid.
Most people don’t like to admit they’re scared. But isn’t it a lot better than
fighting like a frilled lizard with your lover? Asking the question in the nonviolent
manner doesn’t imply that your lover did anything wrong. You’re taking full
responsibility for the feeling of fear, not blaming them for having done anything ‘bad.’

And, of course, this is just one way to ask one little question about your feelings of
jealousy. It may be useful to sit and look at where in your life somebody did leave you
(or worse, didn’t love you but didn’t leave you, either). Those old wounds may be coming
up now for you to look at, but your present lover may not be doing anything out of line.

And always give your inner reptilian brain--your inner frilled lizard that puffs out its
cheeks and tries to look scary--a lot of love. You developed that response because at
some time you had a beautiful need for safety in a relationship and your frilled lizard
is just trying to protect you.

Paul Sterling and Kristin Denton facilitate communication skills workshops through their
company, The Language of Peace. Paul has taught communication skills for governments,
businesses, schools, & prisons. He trained with Marshall Rosenberg, the creator of
Nonviolent Communication (http://www.cnvc.org). Kristin has taught English and workplace
communication skills in the public schools and for businesses. She trained with the
NVC Training Institute.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Kristin_Denton

relationship jealousy

Advantages of Being Single

2006-06-04T06:14:00.000-07:00

Relationship jealousy

Advantages of Being Single

So many people are depressed, sad, and lonely because they don't
have somebody.

They think that once they finally find someone, they will be happy
- they will have no troubles. Well I'm writing this for all of you
people today.

It may be true that having someone can help add to your happiness
and fulfillment. I believe that can occur and does occur when you
find the right person that suits you.

But I can also recall a lot of people that are in relationships and
they are miserable. They're not happy at all. In fact, it's like
they are in prison. Many of them are trapped and they'd give
anything to be single. They'd give anything to be in your shoes
today.

This newsletter gives guys great tips for picking up and meeting
women. Yes, there are advantages of being in a relationship, but I
want to point out to you today some of the great advantages of being
single.

- You can do whatever you want, whenever you want. No questions
asked. No guilt about doing it either. You don't have to make
excuses. You don't have to call your girlfriend to check in on her
or ask her permission to go somewhere.

- You can fool around with as many women as you want.

- You can have a lot of fun.

- You can go out to places that you otherwise couldn't go to if you
had a girlfriend.

- You can have fun and spend time with your friends. A lot of
married people don't have a lot of time to spend with their friends
anymore.

- You can really focus on your career, education, fitness, and
goals.

- You have time to improve yourself and become a better person.

- You are free. You don't have anything holding you down or back.

- You don't have to listen to any bitching.

So the next time you start to get down because you're not dating
someone, remember to enjoy the time that you are single. Before
long you'll be married and settled down. Enjoy it while you can.

Another thing, once you do find someone to settle down with, know
that if you don't bring happiness into the relationship, you will
never be happy in that relationship in the long run. Don't depend
on someone else for your happiness - that is no way to live.

Only you are ultimately responsible for your own happiness.

Mark

Put Your Relationship to the Test

2006-04-22T22:51:00.000-07:00

Put Your Relationship to the Test
by Mike Rose

Any relationship between two people changes as a couple's feelings for each other develop over a period of time, and as these feelings change with life's ups and downs. Three factors in each relationship are you, the person you are relating with and the many-sided nature of the relationship. Let's see what methods there are to test the relationship and give us insights into how we might progress.

Start a Google Search on this webpage. Type in "relationship quiz" or "relationship test" and answer some of the tests that seem most useful and relevant to you. Get your partner to do the same, and check the answers you each put down. Comparing your answers will allow you both some insights into areas of your relationship where you may have encountered problems in the past.

Completing the tests will probably raise significant questions in your mind. A question for instance may ask if you are satisfied with the attention from your mate: are you still satisfied with your answer or it there more to think about? Discussing the questions and answers with each other will show you where your views and expectations are similar, or may enable you to find out where you are different.

It is important that you carry out this exercise in an atmosphere of goodwill and caring for each other as you will learn much about your relationship and how your partner regards you.

A relationship test enables us to share our preferences, aspects of each other we wouldn't normally be so open about. When we answer these quiz questions we should be able to discuss our feelings more objectively, without sounding critical of each other.

Relationship tests offer an opportunity to strengthen our relationship, and to develop positive feelings and better habits.

Relationship jealousy

Relationship jealousy testimonial

2006-04-20T03:25:00.000-07:00

Relationship jealousy testimonial

“No More Jealousy changed my life. I saw extreme jealousy in my father and hated the way he treated my mother because of his unfounded fears. However, I found myself battling the same demons and mistreating people in my own relationships.

I found No More Jealousy online and ordered the program. After the first few chapters, I found myself understanding my feelings and for the first time in my life, dealing with my jealous tendencies instead of reacting to them. It has given me tremendous freedom. Thank you for your great insight.”

--Robin Farmer

Relationship jealousy

Testimonial on "No More Jealousy"

2006-04-18T07:00:00.000-07:00

Relationship jealousy

Why Is "No More Jealousy" the best selling and most complete program available anywhere for overcoming jealousy?

"We're definitely impressed! We don't think we've ever seen a book or course anywhere with as many rock solid and specific tips, suggestions and strategies for overcoming and eliminating jealousy as Susie and Otto Collins' No More Jealousy."

--Paul & Layne Cutright --
Best Selling Authors of "You're Never Upset for the Reason You Think" www.youreneverupset.com

Relationship jealousy

Relationship jealousy: Review of the "No More Jealousy" Program

2006-04-18T06:47:00.000-07:00

Relationship Jealousy

With the information in this course, the authors you by the hand and show you exactly how to identify what causes jealousy in any of your personal or business relationships and show you how to overcome it. "No More Jealousy" is an entire course that contains hundreds of unique insights into the issue of jealousy that people have almost never considered before. In their relationship coaching practice they've seen people transform their relationships and their entire lives using the information in this package.

~ The "No More Jealousy" Book is sent to you in a 3-ring binder by mail, 11 chapters long, with a formula for overcoming and eliminating jealousy which has helped people suffering from jealousy in over a dozen countries.....countless people have found it online and used the information to rid themselves of jealousy......you'll find this book to be a very valuable ally in your quest to let go of jealousy.

~ The "No More Jealousy" 4 audio recordings introduce you to additional tools for overcoming and eliminating jealousy, never been shared on any recordings by anyone anywhere on the subject of overcoming jealousy.

These audio recordings and the "No More Jealousy" book are meant to be used together to give you as many tools as possible to help you release and let go of jealousy now.

With This "No More Jealousy" Program--You Also
Get These Additional Bonuses

Bonus # 1

"12 Proven Secrets" the recordings of a live 90 minute teleseminar we conducted recently, sell for $34.95

Bonus #2

"How to Get Free of Jealousy in Your Close Relationships"
by Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks

This is a special report on eliminating jealousy by Drs. Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks. Value --- Priceless.

Bonus #3

"Love Lessons"
by Susie and Otto Collins

"Love Lessons" is a 56 page downloadable e-book, powerful insights, tips, ideas and strategies for creating an outstanding relationship, value $19.95 if it was available.

Bonus # 4

"7 Keys to Creating A Great Relationship" by Susie and Otto Collins, a 20 Page downloadable Special Report, value $7.

Bonus # 5

"Daily Pearls of Wisdom" by Eva Gregory

This "No More Jealousy" package that includes the book, the four audios and the 5 terrific bonuses is not available in stores anywhere.

You have the choice to order either the instantly downloadable version only, or you can get the instantly downloadable version along with a printed copy of the book and audio CD's mailed to you.

The value of this package is well over $100, but If you order now, you'll get the "No More Jealousy" book, the audios and all 5 bonuses at the introductory low price at $39.95 for the downloadable version or $69.95 for the version sent to you by mail.

Your satisfaction is assured through our no risk, you-can't-lose, 100%, no-questions-asked money-back guarantee.

Relationship Jealousy

Relationship Jealousy

2006-04-17T00:44:00.000-07:00

Relationship Jealousy

After seven years of teaching, I’ve realized how often individuals discredit their abilities and knowledge. I have been the fodder for people who thought I was super intelligent because I have a masters degree. I believe that after seventeen years of school and numerous students taught, education never makes one person better than another. Yes, we can form our conclusions by the way a person speaks, dresses and carries themselves, but my resounding experience is our conclusions are rarely, if ever, completely accurate.

It took me thirty-one years to realize people can be cruel and run rampant with jealousy. I may be self-conscious and carry as much anxiety as a chihuahua jacked up on caffeine, but I have always prided myself with a 99% inability to feel jealous. I have never seen the need in it. Whatever anyone wants they can get. Find a way, there is always a way. These are the principles that I know. I had to experience failure, embarrassment, heart-crushing, drop to my knees, crying moments, and how to accept a compliment, before I knew them, but I believe completely that jealousy has no happy ending.

When you love, whether it be a man, woman, yourself, art, music, etc., I think you see the beauty in that person, place or thing and it is impossible to understand the negative darkness trying to penetrate your positive light.

Humans are naturally attracted to light and my hardest lessons have come from dwelling in the darkness that some harbor and covet. Maybe we don’t agree with the choices and behavior of a non-celebrity or those of various elements of fame, with either, is it necessary to lie about them? I have found that drama occurs whether we are happy or not. Being who we are, licking our wounds that may never heal, and feeling happy with our days, is the best light anyone can shine. I think a secret to happiness is making the choice to ignore rather than indulge in the darkness of jealousy’s drama created over being your true self.

A former computer professor turned Internet writer, Patti Pacifico, has combined elements of film,music,and publishing to create the world's first digi-tome, "life". From losing everything, she learned to hear her creativity and search for those interested in a different way of learning and beautiful way of living. http://www.pattipacifico.com

http://www.respectfully-pattipacifico.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Patti_Pacifico

Relationship jealousy

Relationship Jealousy

2006-04-15T22:38:00.000-07:00

Relationship jealousy is something that affects many of us, and I look forward to sharing with you various ideas on how best to handle relationship jealousy.